Mello's NUMBER ONE Guide to Writing Fanfiction
by Satan's Sweeties
Summary: I am Mello. I will be your friendly neighborhood narrator-slash-basher-slash-bastard during your little trip into the realms of writing Death Note fanfictions and such. Learn about grammar, OOC-ness, Mary-Sues, the dark recesses of shipping, and more.
1. Meet n' Greet

**Introduction—Meet n' Greet**

Evening, fuckers. If your head's stuck up your ass, you're completely stupid, or you're just not as awesome as me, I am Mihael Keehl, also known as Mello. I will be your friendly neighborhood narrator-slash-basher-slash-bastard during your little trip into the realms of writing _Death Note _fanfictions and such.

Why, you may ask?

Because I'm fucking _THE BEST_, and that bigheaded albino twit isn't smart enough to write shit like this. Plus, I've already got two books out, thus making me fuckloads better than _Nate fucking River_. Ha.

But honestly, I've been scanning through the _Death Note _archives and slowly killing pieces of my already damned soul by forcing myself to read highly flawed stories. Some lacked grammar, others lacked imagination, others had Mary-Sue characters so bad I wanted to shoot myself, and others just sucked ass. Not all of them did, though, and I did come across many a good one. Unfortunately, the horrendousness of the others sorta overshadowed the high-quality fics.

Think of learning to write good, quality fanfiction as if you were trying to detox yourself from alcohol: there are steps to go through. First you address the most important things, then you filter through the rest of the shit until you're completely clean.

It's just **that **easy.

The same goes for writing good fanfiction: once you learn the basics of grammar, spelling, and punctuation, you can move onto the next steps, like learning about how to avoid the dreaded Mary-Sue OC, keeping characters in character when needed, and making a plot that's at least semi-original.

Now, some of you may be saying, "Psh, I don't need this! I have good grammar and spelling skills!"

Well, that may be true, but if you really wanna be a great fanfiction author you've GOT to work on your storytelling skills and stuff like that. Unless you want to be doomed to a life of fail. That's fine with me; no skin off my nose if you're content with sucking for life. Just don't come crying to me when you get no reviews or get flamed.

And if you do, I'll point you in the direction of this handy little guide and bitchslap you for not reading it in the first place.

If you've chosen to read this all the way through to the end, good for you.

If you've chosen to take offense to anything said in this damn thing, take a trip to the East Coast and thicken your fucking skin up. Seriously.

If you LOL while reading this, my job is complete.

If you take this seriously, get counseling. QUICKLY.

If you clicked the link to this in hopes that I'd tell you the secret to becoming a fantastic author and blowing everyone else out of the water because I'm God, you need to spend less time at the computer. Oh, and 'Messiah' will do, thank you very much.

I think that's about it for an intro chapter. Now if you'll excuse me, I have an albino to punch.


	2. Step One: Hagel Grammatik

**Step One—Hagel Grammatik**

Oh, the humanity. The lack of knowledge of grammar amongst teenage girls (which I know most of you are) is frightening to a genius like me, as well as to the majority of the human population. I mean, really. Is it _that_ damn hard to, I don't know, pick up a fucking dictionary or _attempt_ to use the spell-check function in Word? Is it?

TEIL EINS (Part One): Quotes

"That's not what I meant", he said.  
||

\ /

BAD. DON'T DO THIS, FOR THE LOVE OF CHOCOLATE, DON'T DO THIS. Punctuation doesn't like being out in the cold. It likes, and demands, being inside the warmth of the quotation marks.

Don't let punctuation die of frostbite. Just don't.

"That's not what I meant." he said. OR "That's not what I meant." He said.  
||

\ /

ಠ_ಠ  
Commas. Unless it's an exclamation (!) or a question (?). Oh, and the 'he/she/they/we/you/whatever' isn't capitalized unless it's written like so: "That's not what I meant." He said it in such a low voice that she couldn't hear him over the sound of her own blood pounding in her ears.

The "punctuation goes inside the damn quotes" rule also applies to text outside of dialogue. If I think something is "neat," I put the comma inside the quotes. Remember that the punctuation doesn't like being cold.

And please, new paragraph when the speaker changes. Walls of text are bitches to try to read.

TEIL ZWEI (Part Two): Commas

For the love of _fuck_, it seems like nobody can really figure out how in the hell to use these little buggers. They're used to separate items in lists (not all the time, though; we'll discuss it later), conjoin two sentences when placed before a conjunction (and, but, or, nor, for, yet, so), separate a dependent clause from an independent when the dependent comes first (_After lighting a cigarette, Matt flicked on his Gameboy._), to offset certain adverbs (however, in fact, therefore, nevertheless, moreover, furthermore, still, instead, too), and a whole shitload of other things we'll be going over.

1) Separating items in a list is not a difficult thing to do.

Ex. On the table lay a plethora of food, like cookies, candies, cakes, and other sweets.

See? Simple.

2) Conjoining two sentences by placing a comma before a conjunction is also damn easy.

Ex. The sheer power of his gaze dumbfounded her, and it left her unable to utter a single word.

Wow, grammar's pretty easy.

3) Separating clauses. Fun times.

Ex. After finally cleaning the entire kitchen, she was horrified to come back ten minutes later and find it dirty again.

La-di-da-di-da. Ah, simplicity.

4) Offsetting certain adverbs. 'S like doing ecstasy… not.

Ex. Furthermore, he didn't really look all that attractive.

When it comes to tossing these "certain adverbs" in the middle of the sentence, they like to be encased with commas.

Ex. But he was, in fact, not telling the truth about his affair.

Oh, commas. I love you so.

This was just a simple overview of the many ways to use commas correctly, and if you want to find the rest of them open up a new tab, hit F6, and type in Google. You'll get there, soldier. Just keep hangin' in there.

TEIL DREI (Part Three): Semicolons

Apparently, they're interchanged for commas.

Apparently, some people don't know basic punctuation rules.

Apparently, some people are dumbasses.

Apparently, I've just insulted a lot of people.

And apparently, I don't give a fuck. :)

Semicolons have got to be, hands down, _the _most widely misused punctuation mark in the history of jackasses—excuse me, grammar. Freudian slip. Oops.

SO, semicolons. They're used to conjoin two independent clauses; however, that's not all they're used for.

LOL U SEE WAT I DID THAR?

These little bastards are also used between items in a series or listing containing internal punctuation, especially parenthetic commas, where the semicolons function as serial commas.

Ex. She greeted them one by one: James, her new brother-in-law; Mary, her aunt; and Mark, her older brother.

Semicolons.

Learn 'em.

Live 'em.

Love 'em.

And, for the sake of all that's good and holy, use 'em correctly. Or I'll sic Matt on you. Rawr.

VIERTER TEIL (Part Four): Ellipses

Father, Son, Holy Spirit.

Past, present, future.

Larry, Curly, Moe.

They come in threes. Just like ellipses.

Ellipses are not the Beatles. They don't come in fours.

They are not AC/DC. They don't come in fives.

They are not the U.S. Senate. They don't come in hundreds.

HONESTLY.

THREE.

'Tis the magic number.

Another thing I've seen quite often is only using two periods ('full stops' for you British folks) as an ellipsis instead of the required three. Only using two periods makes it just a case of an extra punctuation mark, and therefore incorrect.

Remember the number three, and you're good. If you have trouble, just think of the number of lines Matt had in the anime.

Yeah, I know. He wasn't happy, either.

FÜNFTER TEIL (Part Five): Other Punctuation

_OMG!111!11eleven!_

ARRRGH! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!

**One, **yes _one_, exclamation point or question mark is all you need. **Seriously.**

SECHSTER TEIL (Part Six): Other Grammar-ish Shit

It's time to go back and further explain anything I've vaguely touched on before, as well as some general rules that I was honestly unable (read: too lazy) to fit into an earlier section.

1) Paragraphing

It exists.

SHOCKING, ISN'T IT.

When I write, I like to start a new paragraph when something happens that doesn't quite fit with the previous paragraph, or when it's starting to get too damn long.

But you, Miss Fanfiction Writer, abso-fucking-lutely _need _to start a new paragraph when a different person speaks. It's _necessary _for the survival of mankind… maybe.

"You're so stupid." "You wouldn't have me any other way." NO. NO, NO, NO, NO, FUCKING **NO**.

"You're so stupid."

"You wouldn't have me any other way." YES. WIN.

2) Parentheses

Fantastic little bitches for when you want to add something in. Just remember that the punctuation at the end of the inner sentence (like this), goes on the OUTSIDE of the closing parenthesis. (However, if you have several sentences of supplementary information, the period goes inside the parentheses. These suckers are actually a little bit confusing.)

There are different kinds of parentheses, called _brackets_, and they can be used in the midst of parentheses. (In some cases, secondary parentheses (like these) are placed inside the primary set.) This is called nesting, but isn't as common as using brackets.

(If you really wanna get crazy [because I know you do {even if you don't} 'cause you're a freak], you can have up to the tertiary, or third, set of brackets. Crazy shit, huh?)

3) Using text-speak in prose

Do it, and you can be sure that I've got a bullet with your name on it.

4) TyPiNg LiKe ThIs

Do it, and I swear I'll order a hit on you.

5) Capitalizing Every Word In A Sentence

What the fuck is wrong with you people? And really, where the fuck did you learn that _that _was okay at all?

6) Having _an_ **entire **story _like_ **this**

**DO. NOT. DO IT. **It's a fucking eyesore, and it gives people headaches. _Italics_, **bold**, and underlining is for emphasis or indication of thought (italics).

7) Centering entire stories

Is it a poem? No?

Then why the fucking hell is it centered? I used to do this before my English teacher practically kicked my ass and denied me chocolate until I could write a five page essay correctly and without fucking up the formatting.

Not a poem, not centered. End of story.

And please, don't feel the need

to hit enter after every goddamn

line 'cause that's not how you do it.

If you're hitting enter,

you're doing it wrong.

It's not a poem, so

it doesn't need to be formatted like

one.

Thank you.

Those of you who made it through step one without shooting your monitor, going into a manic state of depression, or getting really offended, congrats. You've just made your way onto the MelloLikey™ scale.

Those of you who got offended or somehow felt like I've insulted you, grow a pair.

Really.


	3. Step Two: La Mierda Importante

**Step Two—La Mierda Importante**

Thanks to my super epic awesomeness of the last step, you now have grammar skills to boot (I fucking hope so). With all that newfound knowledge, you can move on to bigger and better things, like starting a story! Of course, there's a lot that goes into planning and writing a story, whether it be original or a fanfiction.

With that said, let's delve deeper into what makes up the backbone of a good story: plot, setting, and characters. Just like with ellipses, they come in threes.

PRIMERA PARTE (Part One): Plot

A well-plotted story is a happy, (somewhat) successful story. When it comes to _Death Note_, and even in other fandoms, there are some ideas that have just been done to fucking death.

Some examples are:

—Yotsuba arc (lol sexxi handcuff tiem~)

—Me leaving Wammy's only to have Matt fall into a manic state of depression before growing a set and chasing me down

—Matt pulling my crispy ass out of the building I blew up

—The "last night together" for me and Matt

—Light cheating on Misa with L

—Long-lost siblings finally meeting

—New kid at Wammy's (OC story)

—"Normal" people somehow finding their way into the _Death Note _world

—Any other stupid, overused cliché you can think of

HOWEVER, that's not to say that I haven't seen any of the above plots done well (except for the real people insert/OC. Yeah. I tend to stay away from those, but there are some that are well-written. If you want a well-written OC story, check out "Subtract, Add, Unite, and Conquer" by Miss Bright), because I certainly have. They're just über fucking overdone and therefore lose any natural juices they might've had before cooking.

My tip is to try to write a genre outside the realm of what you usually do. If you normally write tragic, dramatic, angst-ridden stories, try out a funny, light-hearted, kooky one for a change of pace. You might find that you like more than just the usual.

Also, if you have an idea that's a little out there (I can think of a one Satan's Sweeties that made Misa and I twins) but still a bit plausible, go for it! It might turn out to be a winner.

SEGUNDA PARTE (Part Two): Setting

First off, do you want it to be canon-ish? Or do you want some crazy AU where everybody's a ferret or some shit like that? Oh, you want the ferret AU? Roll with it. You're allowed to do that.

It's called "artistic license."

Besides, it's fanfiction, right? We all know that _everything _in fanfiction is what you'd like to have happen, but no, canon decided to be stupid and not make it happen. Boo-frickity-hoo. Artistic license, bitches!

Once you've chosen the universe your story will take place in, you've got to figure out precisely where you want the stuff planned to go down. Wammy's? SPK? Mafia hideout? Some dark, damp closet? Or are your victims—characters, excuse me. Damn Freudian slips—going to travel around the world?

Now, obviously, you don't want to have some serious, heartfelt story take place in a playroom ball pit, so at least make sure that the setting is appropriate for the content. At the same time, you don't want a happy-go-lucky crackfic taking place on the day the world ends. Find a balance, grasshopper.

TERCERA PARTE (Part Three): Original Characters

Of course, you have the entire expanse of the canon characters to work with, but let's just say you wanted to add in a character of your own. She's gonna be awesome, right? And really pretty, and smart, and a detective, and an orphan at Wammy's, and—STOP.

Holy shit. Sue alert.

A Mary-Sue is an original character who is just way too damn perfect or flawed to even be a likable or realistic character. Bella Swan, anybody?

In the _Death Note _fandom, the most common types of Sues bred are the Wammy's Sue, the Long-Lost Sibling/Child Sue, and the Female Version of a Canon Character Therefore Making Me Their Perfect Match Sue.

Wammy's Sue: These things make me shudder. There are so damn many of them, and I'm really fucking tired of them. Literally, and I shit you not, their stories are all the same (new girl at Wammy's, befriends me and Matt [because nobody likes Near], and somehow we both fall in love with her despite her blatant Sue-ocity and unrealistic demeanor) and just about every _Death Note _fanfiction author with an OC will have them be a Wammy's OC.

Just like with the overused plots, some are done well. Just because an OC is a Wammy's kid doesn't mean we Wammies automatically scream, "SUE!" and run for the hills with our tails between our legs. In fact, there are some (read: not many) that are done well enough to stay out of the main character role and play a pretty good supporting role.

Long-Lost Sibling/Child Sue: Okay, so get this—apparently, L's got kids. Yeah. THAT'S possible. It's even worse when the kid's like, fourteen and inserted into the canon timeline.

Bit of a problem with that. L died at 25-26 years old, meaning that for a supposed "offspring" to be fourteen, he would've had to have been around eleven or twelve when she was conceived (I say she because OCs are rarely male). The fuck, people?

Female Version of a Canon Character Therefore Making Me Their Perfect Match Sue: FUCKING HELL, NO. STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM MAKING A CHARACTER LIKE THIS. WE ALREADY **HAVE **AN L. WE ALREADY **HAVE **A MELLO. AND TRUST ME, ONE OF ME IS ENOUGH.

These three are the most common species of Sue, but bear in mind that there are plenty of other types of Sues that can rear their ugly heads at any moment, without warning.

Self-Insert Sue: Literally, the author's perfect self shoved in with the canon characters for the sake of fantasy fulfillment. Most authors with OC x Canon stories probably wrote them imagining themselves to be their OC. Scary shit, man.

Anti-Sue: The 'bad guy' Sue. Evil, conniving, bitchy, but still Sue-ish enough to be classified as a Mary-Sue. Most of the time the authors mean well; it's just the characters don't come out well enough to be stripped of their Sue label.

Camouflaged Sue: Sneaky little things. Often written well enough to fly under the radar, Camouflaged Sues are usually only spotted by Sue-seekers, and mostly go unnoticed by the average readers. The thing about these Sues is, were they less Sue-ish, they have the possibility of becoming a good OC.

I Somehow Have a Death Note Sue: Too many of these. Just because Misa had a Death Note doesn't mean that every other fucking girl character needs one, too. The more OCs with Death notes, the less cool the damn things become.

Canon Rapist Sue: Made up in no time at all and thrown into the canon plotline for the sole purpose of serving as a love interest for one of the main characters because the author's afraid to either a) pair off the canon characters with each other, or b) write yaoi. Once implemented into the timeline, they often proceed to rape the fucking thing.

Born With the Shinigami Eyes Sue: Oh, boy. Looks like poor Beyond is losing his originality, too.

Blind/Deaf/Mute/Otherwise Disabled Sue: It's supposed to make you feel bad for an OC when they're disabled, but typically backfires by making you hate them more because the normally stoic and uncaring canon characters suddenly want nothing more than to ensure that OC's happiness. Not as common as the others, but I've still seen it done.

Gary-Stu: The male version of a Mary-Sue. Gary-Stus are rarer than Mary-Sues in the _Death Note _fandom, simply because of the lack of females in the series, but I have noticed that, no matter who the author is, Matt always ends up a huge Gary-Stu. That's completely reasonable, though; he didn't even get two minutes of screen time. It's hard to judge a personality with less than six lines of dialogue.

Avoid this shit like the plague and you should have yourself a pretty good character. For example, here's a little bit about a non-Mary-Sue, Wammy's OC.

Name: Elena Martinez  
Alias: Ellie  
Rank: 12th  
Height: 5' 2"  
Weight: 122 lbs.  
Date of Birth: April 3, 1991  
Love Interests: Has a strictly one-sided crush on Near  
Appearance: Medium length black hair, dark brown eyes, normally wears blue-colored clothing  
Personality: Friendly, helpful, speaks with a mix of Spanish and English. Knows English well, but feels more comfortable using Spanish due to her Puerto Rican roots. Is rarely found without her friends Mace and Jason, but when she is she's usually pilfering cookies from the kitchen. Likes to color.

See? It's possible to avoid making a Sue. Just think of any normal person off the streets and go from there. In no time, you should have yourself an acceptable character.

And if you do an OC x Canon thing, I will personally hunt you down, pistol whip you, and LOL as you try to mop up the blood pouring from your broken nose. Because honestly, pairing me with Takada is more realistic than pairing me with an OC; at least Takada (known as "that bitch" to my fans) was canon.

CUARTA PARTE (Part Four): Protagonists

The good guy, or the main character (because in some cases, the main character isn't the good guy), is known as the protagonist. In most stories, the protagonist is the hero, the main squeeze, the one you're rooting for from the very beginning. A good example of this is just about any fictional character you can think of, like Max from Maximum Ride, Harry from Harry Potter, the Baudelaire orphans from A Series of Unfortunate Events, and so on and so forth.

When it comes to _Death Note_, however, the protagonist is, in theory, the bad guy. Light Yagami, while being the main character of the damn series, was by no means chivalrous, heroic, or worthy of praise; moreover, the guy was just a serious fucking bastard. The real hero of the series was anyone on the side of actual justice, like L, Chief Yagami, Matsuda, me and Matt (somewhat. We worked with criminals, but we were justified in our actions. After all, we did help bring Kira down, regardless of the questionable plans of action we took to do so), Near (ugh), the SPK, and the entire task force.

One of the most important things about choosing a protagonist is choosing the proper antagonist to oppose them. Just like with real life romance, if the chemistry isn't a match, it's not going to work; so, in short, if the characters you'd like to have as your protagonist and antagonist could possibly be friends in the universe you've chosen for your setting, you might want to rethink your choices. For example, if the universe was the canon universe and you had Matt and I as the protagonist and antagonist, you might want to think that over and change it a bit. Although, if you could make it work, it might just impress me.

QUINTA PARTE (Part Five): Antagonists

Hey, every good story's got to have some kind of conflict, right? Wrong, actually. Most humorous and crackish ones don't, but the suspense/drama/action/adventure ones typically do. The person that is the one to begin this conflict is known as the antagonist.

Antagonist is the really fucking fancy way of saying bad guy, villain, neighborhood bastard, etc., but may also mean the opposition to the main character. An antagonist can act on his or her own, or they can have a platoon of dumbass cronies to do their dirty work for them, like how Kira had Mikami, Takada, and Misa.

In some cases, the antagonist may actually be the good guy or the hero, like with L. While Light (the bastard) was the main character, L was the real good guy, despite his opposite stance from Light's categorizing him as the antagonist.

Choosing a good antagonist is always important, and don't forget that it's okay to use a few OCs as the hated bad guys if you don't want to completely fucking bastardize a canon character. In fact, just as with "AU: Face" and "AU: Games" by The Pyrat, I have seen a couple stories with OC villains done quite well. So it's possible; you just have to know how to make it work well and in your favor.

SEXTA PARTE (Part Six): Supporting Characters

A story's no fun without background characters, so choose some good ones that work with the plot and main characters. The most important thing about choosing characters, both main and supporting, is the chemistry between them; for example, you wouldn't want Misa and Takada to be super-duper best buddies, because we all know that would never happen.

Well, maybe if Misa was hammered…

Anywho, there's a couple of different types of supporting characters, like major, minor, comic relief, plot devices, and then the secondary bad guys (if bad guys are a part of the story).

Major: Major supporting characters are the characters that seem like main characters, but are actually background characters. They're usually about a hop, skip, and a jump away from being a main character, but aren't important enough to be. An example of this would be Draco Malfoy from the Harry Potter series.

Minor: Minor supporting characters are exactly that—minor. Most of the time they're the ones that supply the main characters with information, gadgets, and other cool shit, or they're just there for comic relief. They're still usually important to the plot, but not as much as the major supporting characters. An example of this would be Maya from the Suite Life on Deck.

Comic relief: Sometimes, if you're not careful, a story might get a little too serious. A way to combat this is to have a designated comic relief character to say something humorous every once in a while. The worst thing to do in a serious story is to overuse the comic relief, but if you can find a balance of humor and suspense/drama/angst/whatever it is the genre happens to be, you'll be set. An example of this would be Penelope Garcia from Criminal Minds.

Characters as plot devices: Sometimes, you just need to tweak the plot a bit. Using a character as a plot device can sometimes work, but if you fuck it up it's not going to be very good. A new baby can be a plot device to fuck over the characters in your story, as well as a character death. An example of this was L dying in episode 25.

Secondary bad guys: My Mafia. Kira was the true villain, but we were just the secondary, or supporting, antagonists, even though we were actually trying to do some fucking good by attempting to stop that son of a bitch. Apparently, using criminal means to do so is FROWNED UPON IN THIS ESTABLISHMENT. Meh. Like I said before, an example of this would be me and my Mafia.

Now that you've got your plot, setting, and a palette of characters to use, it's time to sit your ass down, whip out those sexy grammar skills you should've been working on that you learned in step one, and write this bitch.


	4. Step Three: Mala Podrobnosti

**Step Three—Mala Podrobnosti**

There's a shitload of different things to think about while writing fanfiction, and sometimes it's really fucking overwhelming. To help with that, I'll be pointing out and giving tips on the most common mistakes in fanfiction writing.

DEL (Part One): Humor vs. Crack

As difficult as it is to believe, there is a significant difference between humor and crack. Unfortunately, a lot of younger, more inexperienced fanfiction authors haven't quite grasped this yet. While crack can be humorous and humor can be crackish, they are not—repeat, NOT—the same thing.

A story categorized as humor should make people laugh their sorry asses off until they piss themselves; well, maybe not _that _extreme, but you get the point. If the majority of your story is giggle-worthy banter, dialogue, actions, or mental monologue, label it as a humor story.

To test the 'funniness' of your story, here's a quick litmus test:

—Can you go back, read it, and laugh at your own jokes?

—When you show it to friends, do they laugh?

—Do you start cracking up while trying to read it out loud?

If you answered 'yes' to the questions above, it's a humor story.

Crack, on the other hand, is far, far more random than most humor stories. In fact, the term 'crackfic' comes from the insinuation that the author was on crack while writing the fucking thing. However, this doesn't mean that all crackfics are funny.

While I do enjoy a good crackfic every now and then, only a few have been done right. Crackfics tend to make little to no sense, really have no semblance of a plot, and are often just the author rambling away at four in the morning.

One of the best crackfics I've ever read: "White Picket Fence" by shrieking minties 51

**The** best crackfic I've ever read: "Bitch Stepped on My Floor Cake" by xXKanpekiXx

Crackfic litmus test:

—Do you come back to it and wonder what the fuck you were thinking when you wrote it?

—Did you just write without thinking what it was you were writing?

—Are you sitting there wondering what the hell is wrong with you and vowing to never write a story with less than eight hours of sleep again?

If you answered 'yes' to the questions above, it's crack, baby. If you used the same story while answering all six questions, label it humor and crack.

DRUGI DEL (Part Two): Characterization and OOC-ness

If it's sparse, it's bearable. If it's blatant and not appropriate for the genre, it's irritating as fuck. If it's done well, it's hilarious. As you can see, there are many different takes on the dreaded OOC-ness that sometimes creeps out into fanfiction, whether or not we want it to.

As always, I am filled to the brim with ways to combat it.

Write in first-person: Pick a character, pick a plot, and get inside that bastard's head. Trust me, if you can get inside a character's head and write as if you were them, writing in-character will be fuckloads easier than if you just struggled through it. Essentially, for the time you're writing the damn story, become that character and see the world through their eyes.

Write as someone similar to you: I know keeping characters in-character is NOT an easy thing to do. The best advice I can give you is to start out writing as characters with a personality similar to yours.

Are you brash, arrogant, and headstrong? Try writing as me.

Are you laid back, a bit of a pushover, and loyal to your friends? Try writing as Matt.

Are you justice-oriented, a little twisted, and would love nothing more than to punish criminals how you see fit? Try writing as Light.

Once you've mastered your 'fanfiction counterpart' and can write them as close to their canon personality as possible, you can start branching out and trying other characters. The more characters you can keep in-character throughout a story, the more diverse your character selection palette will be.

Do your research: Read the manga, watch the anime, do some fucking muckraking. If you take the time to really find out exactly how canon characters would react to something, your fanfictions will be that much better, and you'll do nothing but improve as time goes on. As far as research goes, I would advise that you don't use the standard Wikipedia, seeing as anybody and their fucking brother can edit that shit and most of them aren't true _Death Note _fans.

Best research sources—

_Death Note 13: How to Read_

_Death Note_ manga 1-12

_Death Note_ anime series

_Death Note: Another Note: The Los Angeles BB Murder Cases _(shameless self-pimpage)

And, if needed, the _Death Note_ wiki

If you want to know when things in canon happened, you can check out the timeline in _HTR 13, _or you can go to the timeline section on the _Death Note _wiki.

TRETJI DEL (Part Three): Canon vs. Fanon and Manga vs. Anime

I've been dreading this section since I first started this shit. Though I didn't want to have to go over it, it was necessary for the improvement of all you aspiring fanfiction authors.

Regrettably, we've arrived at the "Canon vs. Fanon" part of our little journey.

Canon refers to the official shit that takes place in a series, like names, ages, heights, personalities, physical appearance, and I think you get the picture. Fanfictions written to go along with the canon events or timeline are usually not written to adhere to canon at all.

_Death Note_, being the fucking mind-game it is, has a lot of things in the midst of the plot that can or have to be inferred. The majority of these things involve certain character pairings, but I've decided to swear off going into that until a later step, please and thank you. For the most part, some childhoods have to be inferred, like the possibility of L having a very shitty, very sheltered one, or Light growing up with the unconditional love and praise his parents showed him.

Fanon, on the other hand, is mostly invented by the fans (love you all, we do) for the sheer sake of invention. Biggest thing in fanon: Matt's appearance. Instead of having brown hair, blue eyes, and a red-and-black striped shirt like he does in canon, he's got red hair, green eyes, and convict stripes. Some authors use both versions throughout their stories, some start with one and end with another (usually giving a good reason as to why), and some only use one or the other.

Although canon is set in stone, most fans like to accept fanon as their "canon" because they don't like certain things that happened in canon.

Well, we don't like much that happened in canon, either.

Really.

Back on the subject of canon, there are a few different canons to go off of: anime, manga, and accepting the events of _Another Note _as canonical.

The manga and the anime have a few differences, too. The manga has significantly more Matt-ness, takes place three years earlier than the anime, and has a few altered events. I look more like a slut in the manga than in the anime, but most people don't complain about that.

(If my mother could see how I dress now, she'd have a fucking heart attack. No kidding.)

ČETRTI DEL (Part Four): Other Facts Any Fanfiction Writer Should Know

**L**  
Real Name: L Lawliet  
Also Known As: Ryuuzaki/Ryuzaki, Eraldo Coil, Danuve, Hideki Ryuuga  
Birth Date: October 31, 1979 (1982 in the anime)  
Death Date: November 5, 2004 (2007 in the anime)  
Age at Death: 24-25  
Height: 5' 10"  
Weight: 110 lbs

**Light**  
Real Name: Light Yagami  
Also Known As: Raito, Kira, the Second L  
Birth Date: February 28, 1986 (1989 in the anime)  
Death Date: January 28, 2010 (2013 in the anime)  
Age at Death: 23  
Height: 5' 10"  
Weight: 119 lbs

**Near **(sucks)  
Real Name: Nate River  
Also Known As: N, the Third L  
Birth Date: August 24, 1991 (1994 in the anime)  
Death Date: N/A  
Age at Death: N/A  
Height: 5' 0" (Ha. Shorty.)  
Weight: 87 lbs

**Mello**  
Real Name: Mihael Keehl  
Also Known As: N/A  
Birth Date: December 13, 1989 (1992 in the anime)  
Death Date: January 26, 2010 (2013 in the anime)  
Age at Death: 20  
Height: 5' 6"  
Weight: 114 lbs

**Matt**  
Real Name: Mail Jeevas (pronounced as "mile")  
Also Known As: N/A  
Birth Date: February 1, 1990 (1993 in the anime)  
Death Date: January 26, 2010 (2013 in the anime)  
Age at Death: 19  
Height: 5' 5"  
Weight: 115 lbs

…I think that's everything.

Maybe.

._.

Whatever.


	5. Step Four: Ship With UPS

**Step Four—Ship With UPS**

Before we really get started here, you should probably know that this is Matt, not Mello. Mels already filled his quota for people to piss off for the day, and he's not allowed to go over that specific amount. I thought I'd do this chapter for him, since I'm such a good friend.

Also, I owe him a favor. Or two. Or three. Maybe more.

My supposed debt aside, we've reached the all-important pairing chapter of our journey, and I'm actually beginning to rethink writing this thing. You fangirls love me enough to not come chasing after me with pitchforks and torches, right? Right?

I sure fucking hope so.

Pairings in the _Death Note _fandom are usually pretty obvious, but sometimes you people go fucking _crazy _and start coupling us off randomly for the sheer sake of your own sick amusement. Due to the overwhelming lack of the dainty female gender throughout the entire goddamn series, we're subjected to a lot of yaoi. So, that's what I'll be going over first.

PART ONE: Yaoi

Me and my straight self are gonna have to swallow our pride here and try to look at this from a fangirl's perspective. Mello told me that fangirls are simple and therefore process thoughts simply and clearly, so I'll have to dumb myself down for a bit.

First on the hit list is the general fan-favorite, L and Light.

The reasons:

—handcuffs

For the purposes of monitoring Light's actions, L handcuffed himself to the little bastard and spent every waking (and non-waking) moment with him. In the mind of a fangirl, handcuffs equal kinky buttsecks. The simplicity of it all is what screws most non-fangirls' minds up and confuses the shit out of us—them. Wow. Freud got me, too.

—it's totes implied

Throughout the duration of the series, Light acts rather peculiarly when it comes to being around L and his fantastic L-ness. Even though he has a totally hot girlfriend that's completely willing to be fucked senseless at any given time of day, he spends all his fucking time thinking up ways to beat L and dance a jig on his grave when he succeeds. I guess that _sorta _sets off some alarms…

—scene on the stairs

…do I _really _need to say anything? My take on it was Jesus washing Judas' feet. Fangirls? Dey wuz feelin' da lurv.

—for the hell of it

What better reason to do anything? Sometimes people do things just because they're bored out of their freaking minds and have nothing better to do.

Think I'll go egg the neighbors later.

Um, moving on, we're at… oh, God… me and Mello. Excuse me while I go bleach my brain.

The reasons:

—the 'friend' factor

Yes, the almighty 'friend' factor. When two hot guys are friends, there's got to be something else going on; because really, who can be around someone that smexilicious for so long without trying to jump all 206 of their totally willing and awaiting bones?

Such is the main reason why Mello and I are put together so often. I'm not saying that he's not hot—wow, that sounds really gay—but I am saying that I'd never get with him like… that. Yeah. I don't think of him like that since he's just my best friend.

…but he is kinda hot.

I need a fucking cigarette.

—apparent implications

Kinda ties into the whole 'friend' factor thing. Can someone point out to me a single time where anything beyond friendship was implied to be going on between me and Mels?

—the general rule that every blond in anime-ish shit goes best with a redhead

Axel and Roxas.

Reno and Cloud.

Sasori and Deidara.

Need I go on?

—compatibility (supposedly)

Okay, so Mello doesn't hate my guts like he hates Near's. Apparently, this means that we're 'compatible' to be in a 'successful' 'relationship' without any 'complications.'

Truth is, Mels is asexual.

…and he's also reading over my shoulder and threatening to rid me of a rather precious body part.

Mello is totally awesome and cool and funny and perfect and a ladies' man and he's smart and way better than Near and deserves a better friend than me and can totally bed any woman he wanted and kicks ass like there's no tomorrow and rules at everything he does and isn't reading over my shoulder anymore.

Hallelujah.

Where was I again? Oh, yeah. Next couple… eh he he… Mello and Near.

The reasons:

—rivalry

As everyone knows, pairing two rivals together is so much cooler than pairing a poor guy with his best friend of some amount of years. So what if they can't fucking stand each other? That's half the fun. Their differences make them the perfect couple and hell, all of us need a little fun in our lives. Why not write rival pairings?

—secret sexual tension

Nowadays, "I can't fucking stand your guts," is code for, "Damn, I wanna fuck your brains out." This creates a sort of tension between the two rivals, which inevitably leads to hot and heavy sexing on both parts.

Sexual tension is not something to make fun of, kiddos. It's real, and it's serious. But when it's other people's sexual tension, it's funny as fuck.

—hate sex

Nothing's sexier than fucking someone while simultaneously planning their very demise at the mercy of your bare hands. Don't lie; you all know it. The truth will set you free, ladies, so embrace it. Embrace it like a lover and go off into the sunset to live your happy new life together!

…what the _hell _is in this cig?

So, those three are the top yaoi couples in the _Death Note _fanbase, but a few others are slowly rising through the ranks and making themselves known. While I could only pick three top ones, here are the ones that received honorable mentions:

Light and Mikami

L and Beyond Birthday

Mello, me, and Near in a threesome (O_O)

A and Beyond Birthday

Plus whatever the fuck else you can think of, because I've had enough yaoi for now.

PART TWO: Yuri

Like I said before, there aren't many chicks in _Death Note_, which means there isn't much chance for any sort of lesbianism. In fact, there's an alarming lack of females, which leads most aware fans to think that there was gender bias happenin' during the creation of the series.

Main babes:

Misa Amane

Sayu Yagami

Kiyomi Takada

Naomi Misora

Halle Lidner

Wedy

Linda (on occasion)

Pair them off how you please, because it isn't going to matter to really anyone; face it, lesbians just ain't what they used to be. Go ahead and do it for fun, though. Nobody's gonna stop you from crackifying the fandom just because you're writing yuri.

Go for it, bra.

Hang loose.

PART THREE: Het

Self-explanatory. Do I really need to go over this?

If you have any questions, ask your parents. Seriously.

PART FOUR: Crack Couples

They exist.

We all just have to suck it the fuck up and get on with our measly, pathetically underused lives. Whether or not a couple makes sense doesn't matter to any sort of rabid fangirl, and they'll gladly ship who they want with whomever the fuck they want. It's best to just live your life like they can't bother you.

Why? Because _you're _not the ones getting paired off.

Crack couples are similar to crack stories in the sense that they often make no amount of goddamn sense and they're usually just pulled out of an author's ass at whim. While crack stories may have reasonable couples or situations, crack couples are mostly comprised of characters that would either never get together, or have never even met. Crossovers are the guiltiest of having crack couples, but there are some that are done well.

I can't give you any examples, though; I'm a gamer, so I don't read. That's Mello's spiel.

PART FIVE: Threesomes

Yes, just like crack couples, they exist, too.

All the fun of sex with yet another person added to the jolly-time body mash-up. Most common threesome is us poor Wammy boys—me, Mello, and Near—though there have been a few others. The one time I actually browsed FFN I came across a Gevanni/Near/Mikami one (which actually wasn't too bad. It was pretty funny), as well as numerous MMN ones.

Now you all know why I don't read.

PART SIX: Incest

Ew.

PART SEVEN: Humans and Non-Humans

Um, ew.

Times 10.

To the power of 456.

Kthx.

PART EIGHT: Writing Romance

When you think of writing romance, do the words 'easy' and 'simple' come to mind? If they do, your mind's not on the right track. Romance may seem like an easy thing to write, but when it comes down to it it's one of the most difficult things to do _correctly._

Anyone can write romance. Only a select few can do it superbly.

One of the biggest mistakes people make when they write romance is making it too fucking cheesy for either the characters or the time and place. If what the characters are saying or doing is too cheesy for even the suckiest of soap operas, it's probably best to scrap the damn thing and start over. Fluffy stories tend to breed OOC-ness.

Scenario 1: You're a fangirl. As a fangirl that's loyal to her fandom, you feel the need to suddenly write yaoi for no apparent reason. So you pick up a pencil (or open a Word document) and start writing. In the midst of your genius crafting, you fail to realize that your male leads are sounding and acting more like females.

Oops.

While it's totally understandable that a girl has trouble writing as a male, it's rather hard to overlook it when it's all, "BAM, BITCH! IN YOUR FACE!" like it usually is. If you're having trouble nailing the character of a guy, do the normal thing and _ask a gay guy how he'd react in that situation. _If for some reason you don't happen to have a go-to gay on hand, try a question-and-answer site like Yahoo!Answers or WikiAnswers.

Research, research, research. It's the only way to get better and get your damn facts straight.

Like Mello said in the last step, get inside the character's head to avoid any possible OOC-ness that might stem from just writing without caring just what exactly is going on.

Scenario 2: You want to write a sex scene. Good for you. Your characters are all nice and calm, then wham bam zam, they're hornier than a pack of rhinos. WTF just happened?

You didn't pay attention in health class, that's what.

Here's a cute little analogy for you all—guys : microwaves :: girls : crockpots. In simpler terms, guys get turned on ridiculously fast while girls take fucking forever to even get the tiniest bit aroused. It's a sad fact of life, but it is a fact.

To recap, guys are horny, horny creatures, and girls like foreplay. End of story.

Later, bitches. I'm 'bout to go make Sephiroth my bitch for the eighteenth time this month.


	6. Step Five, final: Come Non Scrivere

**Step Five—Come Non Scrivere**

For the last four steps, I've told you what to do to become a better writer. What I haven't done, though, is tell you what NOT to do. As with anything, writing has an assload of unsaid rules and regulations, like to avoid too many descriptions and to shoot for realism (as much as possible. You get more leeway with fantasy and sci-fi stories).

PARTE PRIMA (Part One): Purple Prose

When you're in elementary school/primary school/grade school/ whatever the fucking hell you people around the world call grades K through 5 (and occasionally 6), your teachers stress the importance of description and the positive or negative impact it can have on writing. You're constantly pestered to describe, describe, describe, and if you don't get the _fuck _out of that habit soon enough, you end up consulting the damn thesaurus every other word like Christopher Paolini.

In other words, your poor prose starts to take on a purple tint. Depending on its level of purple-osity, you can either edit the shit out of that motherfucker, or trash the bitch and start over. It's up to you, but the amount of violet usually constitutes which choice to make.

Here's an example of good description while keeping the prose non-purple:

"Allowing a comfortable silence to fall upon the two for a few minutes, Canada contented himself with humming his national anthem as America gnawed on some frozen beef jerky with an unbreakable resolve." ~_Caught in a Bad Bromance_, Satan's Sweeties (unpublished as of now)

What define this as descriptive while not being purple are the clear descriptions that show what's happening, but don't go overboard with adjectives to describe every fucking thing in the scene.

And now, we shall purple it up:

"Silence fell upon the nearly identical pair of brothers like a soft blanket of fleece, comfortable and soothing to the touch. Nestling further into the sheepskin seat cover draped over the driver's seat of the vehicle, Canada, a nation often forgotten at the G8 meetings due to his soft-spoken nature and habit of being almost transparent, began quietly humming his national anthem, content with the moment. America, however, was finding his frozen beef jerky particularly difficult to eat, but if his show of constantly nibbling at the icy meat strip said anything, he was not going to surrender."

OH SHI—

Fucking hell, it's almost three times as fucking long as it was before, not to mention the fact that I just shoved a shitload of adjectives down your throat. Sure, it's descriptive as fuck and sure, it probably paints a better picture than the original passage, but can you imagine trying to read an entire fucking story that's written like that? I'd have to kill someone. Dunno about you.

Now, I know what you're thinking—"What are good markers for purple prose? How can I test whether or not my story is purple? What types of stories are the most susceptible to purple passages? Why are you stating questions I might ask?"

If you're thinking any of those, you're in the right place.

**What are good markers for purple prose?**

Ideally, you want a sentence to be between fifteen and twenty-five words, but shorter sentences are accepted for action sequences and broken thoughts. If you notice that your sentences are obscenely fucking long, you might wanna go back and read through it, wearing your purple goggles this time. Like the examples above, purple prose can multiply the length of your story—not in a good way, though. The first sentence, the actual snippet, was 33 words. The purple version was three sentences, totaling 98 words.

Hot damn.

**How can I test whether or not my story is purple?**

Generally, if your main character has "long, flowing tresses of golden wheat, glinting like a diamond in the afternoon sunlight" and "wide, endless pools of purest cerulean," it's probably purple.

Let's put that shit into context:

"Leila, a young girl of just twelve, enjoyed spending the pleasurable summer afternoons in her grandmother's large, open backyard. Despite her age, she was lovely, wavy chestnut locks always bouncy and rich, chocolate orbs always alight with vigor and passion."

Oh, shit, the purple. LET'S CHANGE IT, SHALL WE, GRASSHOPPERS?

"When summer came, twelve-year-old Leila could always be found outside in her grandmother's backyard. Brown eyes always cheery and equally brown hair always well-kept, many called her beautiful."

Gives a better picture without throwing descriptions at you, eh?

**What types of stories are the most susceptible to purple passages?**

Romance. Read on to find out more~

PARTE SECONDA (Part Two): Romantic Stories and Their Downfalls

Most romantic stories (and I use the term 'romantic' loosely; most of them seem like all-out fuck fests) are guilty of _at least _one of these three things: a lack of realism, purple prose, and the most ridiculous euphemisms for body parts.

Seriously, I'm not kidding you. At least seventy-five percent of all romance stories embody at least one of the three Things You Should Avoid at All Costs™.

**Lack of Realism**

A good chunk of the time, romance stories are the most fucking unrealistic shit you could ever force your brain to even attempt to comprehend. From circumstances to execution to dialogue, it just doesn't flow like a real-life romance.

First off, there is no such thing as love at first fucking sight, okay? It doesn't happen. Period. There can be infatuation, lust, longing, etc., at first sight, but not love. Suck it the fuck up, romantics. You do not, repeat _do not_, look into someone's eyes without even telling them your name and fall in love. Life is not _Titanic_.

Also, life is not _Romeo and Juliet_. People don't go around saying, "But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and (INSERT NAME HERE) is the sun." At the most, a guy will strut up to a girl, attempt to hit on her, fail, and then admire from afar until he gathers his balls and tries again. In the words of Eddie Izzard, you wouldn't say, "(NAME), I saw you in the classroom today. As the sun came from behind the clouds, a burst of brilliant light caught your hair; it was haloed in front of me. You turned, your eyes flashed fire into my soul, I immediately read the words of Dostoyevsky and Karl Marx, and in the words of Albert Schweitzer, 'I fancy you.'"

(But if some people do go around spouting nonsensical shit like that, they deserve to be dragged out into the street and shot. Just sayin'.)

**Purple Prose**

We don't wanna hear about how "his soft hands, trailing delicately down her sides, felt like the gentle touch of a heavenly angel."

We don't care that "sweat glistened on their skin like tiny drops of moonlight, sliding off the porcelain epidermis to land on the cushioned duvet."

Nobody gives a fuck that "her dress, scarlet-toned and crafted of the finest silken materials, cascaded off her body like a rippling waterfall, a pair of calloused yet tender hands caressing her bare skin."

Really. Tone it down, please.

**Euphemisms**

To me, it seems like most romance writers try to avoid the word 'penis' as best they can. 'Penis' tends to be shrouded in disguises like dick, cock, manhood, groin, shaft, rod, sex (whathafuck), third leg, little (guy's name), willy, and countless other bullshit cover terms.

IT'S A PENIS. If anything, dick, cock, and groin are the most acceptable euphemisms.

It's sex. Not Shakespeare.

'Vagina' is a bit rare, too. They're most often referred to as pussy, as it's the one used most frequently by real-life men, but euphemisms control the female reproductive system as well. Say hello to snatch, flower, cherry, honey pot of desire (inorite?), heat of her femininity, silken warmth, moist warmth, nest of desire, and hot sleeve of love.

Pardon me while I grab the brain bleach.

I don't know if everyone who writes erotica either didn't take health, found health terms embarrassing, or refuses to embrace what actual terms are, but some euphemisms are really fucking ridiculous.

The act of sex itself isn't immune to the purple-ness, either. I just don't have the heart (or stomach) to write some terms.

I need chocolate.

PARTE TERZA (Part Three): Sentence Structure and Flow

Sometimes, a good story's downfall is its sentence structure and flow. From what I've gathered, dialogue seems to be the most difficult thing for an author to master; in order to produce realistic lines for characters, you need to imagine what you would say if you were that character in that situation. From there, play the other characters' lines off of the first one.

Let's pretend that Joe and Fred are best friends. Joe just got into a fight and procured a black eye, sore jaw, and broken nose. Fred is a very sarcastic person.

If Joe said, "Man, my face hurts," what would _most likely _be Fred's response?

A. "Are you okay, dude?"

B. "Wow, you really got your ass kicked back there."

C. "Yeah, your face hurts me, too."

Think it over.

Another crime in dialogue is using overly-formal language. When speaking, most people don't say, "No, we have not reached an agreement at this time, but we will contact you when it is reached." Instead, they'd probably say, "Nah, we can't seem to agree right now, but we'll call you when we do."

BE ESPECIALLY WARY WHEN TEENAGERS ARE SPEAKING. THEY TEND TO USE FUCK ALL OF THEIR GRAMMAR AND FORM PORTMANTEAU WORDS, AS WELL AS THROW SHIT TOGETHER INTO CONTRACTIONS THAT DON'T EXIST.

Sentence structure, even in a well-written story, can be improved upon with a little bit of work. In _Higher Education_, by Flaming Fangirls, the prose is written rather well, but a quick rework would probably make it flow better. The beginning of chapter nine reads as follows:

"Mels and I had already agreed that we would tell our room mates on our own. I knew Mello didn't like being in the same room as Near, shame to. Near was a nice guy. But Mello just seemed to always want to prove he knew more then Near. So they would constantly get into equations and comprehension questions that made my head hurt. So I told my albino friend that Mello was a light sleep, and that his cousin had quite a loud snore."

Grammar mistakes aside, not horribly written. After reworking, moving things around, adding shit, and the like, it looks like this:

"Mels and I had already agreed that we would tell our roommates on our own. I knew Mello didn't like being in the same room as Near. Shame, too; Near was a nice guy, once you got past the OMGMANCHILD! thing. But Mello just seemed to always want to prove he knew more than Near, so they would constantly get into equation battles and comprehensive wars that made my freaking head hurt.

I told my albino friend that Mello was a light sleeper and that his cousin had quite a loud snore (although, if its horribleness was any kind of accurate to the way Mello described, loud was a gross understatement). 'Do ya think maybe you could room with him, and I'll room with Mello?'"

The revised version flows a little better, and makes more sense logically. To me, anyway.

Oh, and this?  
**||  
****V**

"What bored Matt the most during school was World History, but he had to admit that the idea of Estonia, Latvia, and Lithuania 'becoming one with mother Russia' (a/n: lol guess what that's from! ! ! xD) sounded pretty funny."

DON'T FUCKING DO IT, YOU ASS.

Author's notes belong at the beginning or end of a story, not the fucking middle. Tossing random shit into the middle of a story interrupts the flow, throws people off, and tends to piss a lot of them off, too. If you want to point out a reference, cite what something was, or translate something, do so in the ending notes. Please and fucking thank you, bitch.

(The reference was Hetalia: Axis Powers, for those of you who are wondering.)

And so it seems that we've reached the end, my little protégés. I must bid you _adieu_, but not before leaving you with something to think about—a quote by Brian May about the English language:

"_I_ before _e_ except after _c _and when sounding like _a_ as in _neighbor_ and _weigh_, and on weekends and holidays and all throughout May, and you'll always be wrong no matter what you say!"

Truth. It hurts.

* * *

_While I can't say shit about just what you've all learned from this train wreck, I can say that I had a blast writing this out for you. After a long hard day, it's nice to come home and rant my feelings out in a way that actually (as far as I know) helps others. I'm not one for sappy goodbyes, but I am thankful for all the support you've given me on this sad mockup of a journey._

_I'm dedicating this piece of shit to all aspiring authors out there. May you continue to learn to walk before trying to run a marathon._

_Good memories and nightmares,_

_Mihael "Mello" Keehl_

* * *

**Certificate of Completion**

_Certificates certify shit. This is a certificate. By process of substitution, one could assume that this certificate certifies shit. It certifies a very special type of shit. This certificate certifies that you fucking paid attention during this whole spiel and actually learned something that'll be useful in everyday life, officially instating you as a useful member of society, rather than a couch potato that hangs out in front of the computer all night long._

_We, the faculty, hereby certify that, having successfully completed this course, (YOUR NAME HERE) is an official graduate of FanFiction University. Throughout your time here, we hope that you have gained an understanding of and a respect for the weathered fanfic authors already present on this site._

_May your writing continue to improve as time pushes on, and may you never give up on your dreams._

_Mihael Keehl . . . . . . . .Mail Jeevas. . . . . . . Stephanie Marie  
Course Professor__. . . . _Assistant Professor. _. . . _Headmaster


End file.
